Comparison: Positive or Negative?

I was meeting with a client, and during our session, he mentioned that he wanted to do something big. He started talking about a family member who did all sorts of BIG things and started comparing himself to this person. “I’ve done nothing compared to him.” It pained me because this person was such an incredible human being, but they were so blinded by what their sibling was doing they couldn’t see their greatness and potential.

We’ve all done it. I wish I could be more like that. I wish my life were like this instead of that. I wish I had what this person has. I wish I did what that person did. I want her legs, I want his arms. Wow, that person has it all together. I wish I did, too. The list goes on and on. Comparison. We compare ourselves against people who seem to have it better, who seem to have it figured out, or have what we want. It’s so easy to do, and the temptation is everywhere. It’s in a magazine, it’s on the internet, it’s right in front of our faces. 

It can be hard not to compare yourself to other people. We all want to be great, feel great, look great, etc - and when we don’t feel that way, we find ourselves seeking people who are - and want to be more like them. Do what they do to get what you want. And unfortunately, when we compare ourselves, we end up just putting ourselves down. 

Stating that we want what others have makes us feel like we’re not good enough or maybe we don’t even deserve it.  This self-sabotage can make us feel inadequate, increasing our risk of additional stress, anxiety, depression and decreasing our self-esteem. None of these are healthy and can lead us down a path of self-destruction and unhealthy behaviors. 

Well, what if we told you that there is a flip side to comparison? Perhaps even a positive spin to it! Instead of looking at others and stating that you’re not good enough, what if we used the successes of others that we strive for to motivate ourselves to work towards our goals? 

Here’s an example: You really wish you could switch careers, but you’re really scared to. You wish you were more like your friend who takes those risks and changes their career. You put yourself down, saying you’re too scared and not brave, and continue doing the career path that you do not like, but also continue to self-sabotage and compare yourself to your friend who did take the leap. Well, what if instead you spoke to this friend? Asked them how they did it, get pointers and tips on how they made the transition, and learn from them to motivate you to make the leap yourself. Use this person in a positive way to motivate and inspire you to do what you need to do to get where you want to be. Using comparison to inspire you can lead you to be more motivated to take that leap, to make that call, to get to the gym, to eat healthier etc. 

Here’s another example, not so drastic as changing careers. You see this person in the gym who can lift “x” amount of weight and run “x” amount of miles that you admire. Their dedication, their physique, whatever it is, and you strive to be as dedicated as they are, but you’re having trouble. You think to yourself, “I wish I could be more like this person.” Most of the time, when we compare ourselves to others in such a way, we put ourselves down. In our heads, we’re not good enough, we don’t know where to start, we don’t believe we can do it. Let’s switch the narrative. Talk to this person, tell them how you admire their dedication (you’ll probably make their day!!), and ask them how they do it. Now here’s the thing - they may have a different schedule than you, so you may not be able to follow their routine exactly, and their body type may be different than yours, so be gentle with yourself and your expectations. Do what works for you - the point is that you’re using this person to motivate you instead of comparing yourself to them in a way that degrades you and puts yourself down. 

Catch yourself the next time you compare yourself to someone else (we all do it) and try to spin it in a positive direction so that you can motivate yourself instead of putting yourself down. Give this mindset a try and see how it feels!