It's a phase

Disclaimer: This blog was inspired by my children but you do not need children to relate to this so keep reading!

As I sit here at 1 am feeding my little one, who has gotten me up every two hours the past few night's (phew) I think to myself - will I ever sleep again?! When will this end!!! I look up the app that I use to help me understand the many stages of a baby's growth (yes, there’s an app for that), and then, I understand why my little guy is waking me up so much. He’s in a phase of growth - and lucky me, it's a “fussy” phase. Even better, it’s supposed to be a month-long! (so if I have bags under my eyes don’t judge ha!) But there’s SO much happening in his little body, it’s incredible! But it all makes sense. It’s a phase. Which means it will end. 

The actual definition of a phase related to this topic is “a distinct period or stage in a series of events or a process of change or development.” In my case, my little guy is going through a change in his body. His brain is developing, his body is growing, herefore it reflects his actions, mood and behaviors. I tell you this because it helped me understand what was going on which in turn made me less stressed out. Knowing what’s going on in his little body allowed me to understand him more and not stress out so much because I know WHY this is happening. It also helped me change my perspective. YES, this will end, YES I will sleep again - but right now this is a phase and we are getting through it together.

Okay enough about my kids - how can this relate to other aspects of life? Well, think of life as phases, chapters or even seasons. Life has an ebb and flow - it’s not linear. We have great times, we have not so great times. Some last longer than others. Some backpack on top of each other. In some cases we don’t want a phase to end, in others we can’t wait to move on. Either way, there is a beginning and an end, and in between there is growth, a teaching moment, or a sigh of relief. 

Think of the last time you were in a great phase. Things were going awesome! How did you feel? Energized, happy, euphoric, even. You were in a good mood, making healthy choices, exercising, sleeping great, low stress levels - life is good! Take these moments and embrace them. Be grateful for them. Remind yourself that YES good things can happen! Write these down in a gratitude journal to reflect on when the not-so-great times happen, to remind yourself that life can get better again, and it will! The choice is yours. 

There will be times when those “fussy” phases happen. Maybe you start sleeping poorly, maybe life shifts and there’s a big change - things feel different, scary or uncomfortable. We’ve all been here. You may not be in the best mood, you may start to make unhealthy choices to cope with whatever you’re going through, you may be in a bad mood and start having a short temper. You may start sleeping poorly - or all of the above! When these not-so-great phases hit, we want OUT. We’re uncomfortable, maybe even scared. We don’t want to be here, so we try everything to make it stop. Sometimes we have unhealthy coping mechanisms to shut it out and end up with an unhealthy relationship with food, alcohol or drugs. Anything to make this uncomfortable feeling go away. But what if we coped differently? What if, when things get hard we realize “hey this is just a phase”, this is a chapter of life. Changing your perspective on the hard times might help you get through it in a healthier way. Giving yourself the time to sit with whatever is happening, understand WHY it’s happening (if you can - sometimes there is no answer here) and figure out how you’re going to move through this chapter positively. This may take time; it doesn’t happen overnight, but knowing that it will shift and move may help you get through it. You won’t feel this way forever; things will get better even if they change. 

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I had that same feeling. I wanted OUT of this nightmare, and trust me, I had my moments of despair, anger - I went through all the stages of grief multiple times in many different orders. However, I chose to deal with this as a “phase” - it was a year-long chapter of my life that had a beginning and, thankfully, a positive end. When I took it page by page - day by day - it became more manageable. 

I find it helpful to have these mantras handy when times get a little tough…

1. This is a phase; however long it takes, it will end at some point

2. Things that get buried find their way to the surface again, face your problems head on and work through them to let them pass

3. This too shall pass 

4. Take it one day at a time (sometimes one minute at a time!)

5. I can do this

This perspective change can help you through many aspects of life. Give it a try! Enjoy the phases - as they teach you valuable lessons if you’re open to them!