I was at dinner one night with my husband - something we try to do once a month without our daughter. Sometimes we succeed other months we don’t depending how busy it is. It’s a time for us to reconnect without getting interrupted by Sage saying “WOW did you know I can do this!!!!??” It’s adorable - but adult conversations are also a necessity. Time is one of those things that we may take advantage of because it just seems that we have more of it. Coming from someone who survived Stage 3 Breast Cancer, I can tell you time is not guaranteed. It’s precious. We complain about this and that (we all do it, it’s okay), we wish for days for be over before they even started, and we spend a lot of time plugged into some sort of device rather than experiencing the world. I saw this firsthand at dinner that night.
We have this rule in my house - no device meals. Devices are in the other room, away from us when we sit together to eat. If someone really needs us, they’ll call a few times. Of course when my husband and I are at dinner together without Sage one of us has our phones upside down near us just in case there’s an emergency, but the point is that we’re not ON IT. At dinner that night I looked around at a packed restaurant. As I looked around the restaurant I saw something similar at some of the tables. Perhaps 20% of them. Folks were sitting down, couples, friends, families with kids, and they were all staring at a phone or tablet. All of them. No conversations, no engagement, just staring at their devices. It made me really sad. How did we get to a place in life where our phones are more interesting than what is around us? How did we get to a place when we’re more interested in seeing what other people post and doom scrolling than having a conversation with the person across from you. And the sad part, is that they probably didn’t even notice what they were doing, because it’s a habit. It’s part of their lifestyle.
Yet another story, I was in the grocery store and this kid was walking towards me with his head buried in the phone. The aisles were narrow so I couldn’t move my cart. He went right into it … literally collided with my cart. I felt really bad, but also in my head I thought WOW. Just LOOK UP. He was so distracted he had no understanding of his surroundings.
We have to do better. We have to set a better example for our next generation. Americans check their phones 144 times a day on average, according to a 2023 survey by Reviews.org.
Americans spend an average of 4 hours and 37 minutes on their phones each day, which is equivalent to about one day per week or 70 days per year. People check their phones an average of 58 times per day, with 30 of those checks occurring during work hours.
Gen Z spends the most time on their phones, averaging 6 hours and 5 minutes per day.
Baby Boomers spend the least time on their phones, averaging 3 hours and 31 minutes per day. I’ve heard time and time again, I just don’t have the time to do “x” … and my first question is how much time do you spend on your phone. Can you use your time differently?
Regardless of where you are on this spectrum, most of us have a smart phone, and we’re on it too much. Now that I have a child with another on the way, I want to set a good example for them. It’s so easy to get into the habit of checking your phone - but we’re trying not to have it when little minds are around. We don’t want them interested in it, we certainly don’t want them on it. If I don’t want them doing it, it’s time I stop doing it. Now this isn’t a judgment for those who choose to allow the phone as a toy - but this is a simple reminder that the phone in general is a distraction from what’s going on around us, and it’s time we put it down and enjoy life!
So, if this is resonating with you, you’re not alone. The majority of us are probably on our phones too much to begin with. So don’t judge yourself - let’s just try to do better! Here are a few simple tips you can start to incorporate into your lifestyle to look up more, put your phone down, and enjoy what’s right in front of you.
Get an understanding of how much time you’re actually spending on your phone. There’s a setting on your iphone or Android that can tell you what your screen time is as well as where you’re spending most of your time such as social media, email, pictures etc.
Once you get an understanding of this, start to set a limit. Also on the phone is a phone limit which you can set for specific apps. I personally set mine for my social apps (I actually deleted most of them from my phone except Instagram). This way, if you go over your time limit on the apps the app won’t let you open it unless you override it.
Put your phone away. Out of site, out of mind. Keep it in your purse, or in another room completely with the ringer on. If someone needs you they will call more than once.
Turn off your social media notifications. Do you really need to know when someone likes something EVERYTIME? No, you don’t. These dings are distractions and everytime you hear one it’s like your phone is calling you to come and play with it.
When you reach for your phone take a few moments and ask yourself why? Why am I picking my phone up? Is it habitual to check social media every 5 minutes or do you need to call someone? Simply understanding why you’re doing something and checking yourself can help you gain insight on your habits.
Create rules for yourself and your family. Again in my family we have device free dinners as well as ensuring we’re not on our phones in front of the kids. When either of us catches each other doing it, we call each other out!
So, unplug more, stop doom scrolling, do more in the present moment, and enjoy your life.
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